Chapter 8 a hollow man

The drive to the ranch is quiet; Tyler has been staring out the window most of the time. I tried speaking, but it is like my words are falling on death ears. I can feel the heaviness hanging in the air, pain radiating from his body. Before we reach the city, I need to stop for gas, the very same gas station I have been stopping every time I make this trip. As I come to the store clerk to pay, he immediately recognizes my face. There is a slight smile filled with confusion playing in his eyes, "Don t tell me your dream fell through again." I look on over to the truck, and the attendant follows my eyed, "My dream is in that truck." I pause for a moment and turn to look at the clerk again, "His body is there, but his mind is gone." "Well," he starts, and there is genuine concern in his voice, "Whatever happened, I am sure time will heal his wounds." I only but give him half a smile and turn to leave the store, "I really hope you are right." Back in the truck, I look over at Tyler; there is a single tear rolling down his cheek. I don t think he has time to heal; if it does not happen now, it might never happen. I gently lay my hand on his arm and call out his name, "Tyler." "Yes." It is all that he can but utter, yet he does not turn his face away from the window for one second. I decide not to ask him again and quickly change the subject, "Do you want some water?" I hand him a bottle and continue to drive off. He does not say a single word to me for the next two hours. When we finally get to the ranch, for the first time in hours, I finally see a glimpse of life in his eyes, "Fuck Jenna, this is amazing." It immediately warms my heart, and I think this might just be the only thing that he needs to heal himself. So I eagerly add to his enthusiasm, "We got the horses at the back. And the pool area is there on the far side by all the trees." I watch as that eyes just grow brighter, and I think that I have just finally reached the light that was tucked deep away inside of him, "God," I watch him as he gas. "I could easily give up that town and move here." I am taken aback by his words, and just then, I think that this is truly what we need, "Baby, maybe we should. We can start a completely new life." I can see the idea is running through his head, but he does not answer. I won t push him; even if it takes forever, I will give him the time to heal. Of all the terrible things I have done in my life, breaking him is the worst. The fact that he is still sitting by my side makes me appreciate everything he has ever done for me, even taking the life of another. We start offloading the truck, and I head on ahead. Suddenly there s a loud yell, "Jenna, wait!" I drop whatever I had in my arms and rush over to him, "Baby, what is wrong?" He grabs me around my waist and lifts me off my feet; he gives me a peck on my forehead as he carries me over the threshold of the door. "We never had the chance to do this before." He drops me back to my feet and turns to head back to the truck for the rest of our bags. As we start to carry them to the room, I stop him and pull him deep into my chest, "Tyler." He looks at me, and I know what he is thinking, and I have promised myself I won't stop asking it, so I pull away and look deep into those deep brown eyes, "I love you." "I love you too." With that, he disappears, and I do not see him for hours, I see him aimlessly wandering around the pool, then sitting outside the stables, he is trying, but he is not really there. As the sun sets, he slowly makes his way back in and sits down at the table. I look at him slightly concern; it breaks my damn heart to see him like this. Yet, there is nothing I can do to make it better. I drop whatever I was doing and go sit next to him, "Can I dish you something up to eat?" "No, I am not hungry," he shakes his head as he starts to get up from his chair. "I think I am going to head to bed." I know it is only six in the afternoon, but I gently kiss him on the forehead, and he disappears again off to the room. I decide to phone his sister again. She does not take very long to answer, and as she does, I can immediately hear the concern in her voice. "Hey, Jenna. How is he?" I sigh as I have to think about how he just wanders, "He spent most of the day by himself around the property. He has gone to bed now." I listen as her voice drops, and there is somewhat of a sadness, "Ask him to phone me. He probably won t, but I want him to know I am here for him." Just before I am about to end the call, I ask her the question that has been burning in my mind since we left there, "What has happened with Luke?" "They won t be pressing any charges." She reassures me, "It was self-defense." I cannot even begin to say how relieved I am to hear that, but yet there is another question, "Will he have to give a report or anything? I don t think he will survive it." Out of complete nowhere, I hear a loud scream coming from upstairs; I drop my phone and rush up to the room. Tyler is still fast asleep, but you can see his body trembling; he is completely soaked from his own sweat, a look of terror captured over his face. I slowly step closer; my body jumps as he utters another loud scream; out of instinct, I leap on over and pull him up by the shoulders. "Baby, it s okay. I got you." Then the worst thing I ever thought could happen happens. He grips me around my shoulders and bursts out crying; he sobs uncontrollably for almost near an hour. My heart breaks over and over again as I sob my own tears in silence. He stays in my arms until he finally falls asleep again. Throughout the night, it repeats and repeats; when the early morning arrives, het slowly slips out of bed and into the shower, only to disappear a few minutes later again. I know that he is not doing this on purpose, but I wish he would just talk to me; I want to fix him, I don t know how, but I want to fix him. I need him to come back out of his mind, and I know that this must not be easy for him. I can almost say that I would be in the same place if it were me that killed Luke. So, I go out to find him. I need him to get out of this place, just to breathe. I find him down by the pool. "Baby." He does not turn around to face me; he only but greets me with one word, "Yes." "I am going to the store. Do you want to go with me?" He looks at me, and I can see the uncertainty in his eyes, and just before I am about to give up, he turns to me, "Okay." So we find ourselves leaving in half an hour. I can still see that scared look on his face, yet there is some glimmer of hope that he might find his way out. Then as we are on the way when I suddenly remember something that needed to go on my list "Baby, there is a notepad in the side of the door there, please can you write that we need eggs on it." "Sure." He reaches into the side of the door, his entire body freezes. "Stop the truck!" I am startled by his reaction. Has he now changed his mind? "What is wrong." He does not answer; his voice only continues to vibrate through the truck. "Stop the truck!" "Are you okay? What is wrong, Tyler?" He still does not answer; he just keeps demanding, "I said stop the fucking truck." I bring the truck to a dead halt, and that is when I see what he has in his hand. Fuck. I forgot I put my gun in the side of the door. He climbs out of the truck and tosses it in the bushes. He turns and looks at me. I can see the tears water up in his eyes, and he turns back around and starts walking away. "I am going back to the house." "Tyler, please," I beg him, "Please just talk to me. I want to help you." He does not once look back; he just walks and walks, in the blistering sun, miles and miles away from home. I turn the truck around and drive back down the road to find him. "Baby, please get in the truck."Let me take you home." He gets into the truck; I pull him in close to my body, hugging him as tight as I can. "I love you. Don t you dare leave me." He stares back at me with dark hollow eyes. I have seen the look before; it shakes my body to the core. This is my husband Tyler, but those eyes remind me of that monster we left behind on the floor of that godforsaken barn. He might have escaped those ropes, but his mind is still stuck in that place; he has not escaped the clutches of Luke. He is being dragged down with that monster, I need to save him, and I need to do it quickly. "Please take me home."