Uncontrollable Desire

London: I stared at the cloud of smoke hovering above me, tipping my head over the headrest. I puffed out smoke from the cigarette wedged in between my fingers, twirling the slim-lit stick with the corner of my lips tilted upwards. My head bobbed to the music playing from the vinyl record, humming the tune with closed eyes. The index finger of my right hand tapped against the table while I moved my head gently to the beats of the song that I was listening to. I leaned myself off the chair, reaching for my halfway-gone bottle of vodka. I poured myself a glass while I puffed out smoke. I stirred the liquid, downing it in one go, ignoring the burn that I had gotten accustomed to, bringing the cigarette to my lips to steal a drag. I glanced at the little clock that sat on the nightstand beside my bed, chuckling because she was so fucking late. I had told her 10 p.m. on the dot, and what was the time? 10-fucking-32pm. I let the smoke escape from the corner of my room as the memory of findin