Chapter 4

I saw Jack trying to turn the door knob again, but I wouldn’t open the door for him. I stayed, frozen in my spot. Praying that if there was a god, he was going to help me right now. “I told you to get out here you little tramp. You think you can carry on with my friends and then not let me in on any of that action. Get the fuck out here now.” Jack yelled. “I didn’t let your friend do anything.” I yelled back. “Bullshit. He told me everything. I only told Marilyn the highlights.” “He grabbed my ass and I hit him. Just fuck off and leave me alone.” I yelled. “You are a little tramp. And you know how we treat little tramps around here.” He yelled through the door. He was bashing on the door so much that I was sure it was going to break at any second. I didn’t know what the hell I was going to do if he got in. I was completely boxed in here. If he managed to kick down the door, I was done for. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to get away from him. But just as luck would have it, I heard the front door slam again. “What the hell is going on up here?” Marilyn yelled, coming up the stairs. “What are you doing home?” Jack asked, as calmly as he could in this situation. “I got half way to work and forgot my cell phone. So, are you going to tell me what the hell is going on in here?” Marilyn asked. “She’s been in the bathroom for a long time. I was worried about her and knocked on the door but Ella started screaming.” Jack lied. I could feel the hot wet tears slipping down my cheeks now. Again, this was something else that was going to be blamed on me. I couldn’t wait to escape this bullshit and get back to Seattle. I had to hurry up and save as much money as I could. I didn’t even know if I could last a year here. When I heard Jack and Marilyn walking back downstairs I took the opportunity to grab my clothes and I darted across the hall to my bedroom where I quickly locked the door again and I got dressed. Someone then hit my door from the other side, thinking it was Jack, I froze again. “Ella.” Marilyn said. “I’m getting dressed.” I said. “Why is this door locked?” She asked. “Because I’m getting dressed.” I repeated. “This is unbelievable. You still don’t know how to show any respect for anyone else. Do you?” She asked. What the hell was she talking about? Why would I let people walk in on me while I’m getting dressed? Especially that pig of a stepfather. “I don’t know what you mean.” I said. “You are a disrespectful mistake. I don’t know why I didn’t just give you away when I had the chance.” She said, storming off. I climbed into my bed and pulled the covers over me. I was trying really hard to calm down, but it wasn’t working. I was still shaking. I was scared. I hated this house. I hated being here alone with him. I knew that Marilyn had gone back to work and she wouldn’t be back until the early morning hours. I also heard the constant opening of beer bottles, which meant that Jack was getting drunker and drunker as the night went on. “I hate to see you like this.” Ava said. “I’m sorry.” I said. “What for?” She asked. “I’m sorry that I’m not strong enough to protect us.” I said. “Don’t you dare be sorry. You are strong enough. You’ve just got everything stacked against you right now. You are definitely strong enough. I know you don’t hear this from anyone, but I love you.” Ava said. And I smiled slightly. “I love you too. I think it might mean a little more if it wasn’t coming from my imagination.” I said. “What do you mean?” She asked. “It’s my imagination. I’m basically telling you to tell me that you love me.” I said. “No. You’re not. When have you ever told yourself that you love you? You don’t, because you don’t think you deserve it.” She said. “Ava. I don’t know if I do.” I said. “You deserve to be happy.” She said. “Then why does everyone try to make sure that I’m not happy?” I asked. And I felt Ava perk up a little in my head. “The twins want to make you happy.” She said. But I rolled my eyes as soon as I heard her mention the twins. “They only want to use me as a whore.” I said. “I don’t believe that. I think they really like you.” “Maybe I just want them to.” I said, staring out the window. My wet hair was sticking to my back, making me feel gross and disgusting. Like a stranger was touching me. I kept trying to flick it away but it wasn’t working. I started to shake again and I was feeling really sick with butterflies going crazy in my stomach. I felt like I was losing control. Like it wasn’t even me anymore. I stood up and walked over to the mirror that I had in my room and I opened the top drawer of my wardrobe. I pulled out a pair of scissors and I grabbed the whole lot in a ponytail and I cut it, unevenly, but short. Shoulder length. I placed the scissors back down and I threw my hair in the bin that was in the corner of the room and I regained my composure again. “Thanks Ava. I know that I would go crazy without you here to keep me halfway sane.” I said. But she didn’t say anything back. I grabbed the first aid kit that I had stashed in my room because I needed it a lot more than people realized I did. I washed out the cut on my head properly and I tried to avoid putting a bandage on it because that would just look weird on my forehead. I wanted to avoid that. I think I will just settle for having a cut there. It didn’t actually look too bad now. There was just a lot of blood from a head wound. Which is pretty normal. But I also looked at the bruise on the side of my face. I wasn’t sure when I got that. But it had to be when I was in the bathroom. My guess would be that I probably hit it on the side of the sink or something. I would have to put concealer on it tomorrow. And I would have to buy more concealer in the morning. I was almost out. And that wasn’t good. Since I used it so often to cover bruises. I hated that it was summer in Alaska, and even though I thought it was cold, I knew that this was the warmest I was ever going to see it. But I had to cover up completely with long sleeves and long pants to hide all the scars and bruises and use a lot of concealer on places that weren’t covered by clothing. “Ella. Can I ask you what you’re planning for the future?” Ava asked. “It’s the same. I’m going to finish my senior year and then I’m out of here.” I said, with complete confidence. “Are you sure that’s the right thing to do?” She asked. “You want me to stay here?” I asked. “Of course not. Not here. Not with these people. What about the twins?” She asked. “Listen, I know that you like them. Honestly, I kinda do too. But for all I know these are just teenage hormones going crazy because I’ve never met anyone as attractive as them before. You know that.” I said. “Then what’s the problem with getting to know them?” She asked. “Don’t you think it’s a little strange?” I asked. “What’s strange?” She asked. “They’re twins. And they are both hovering around me all the time. Not like they're competing for me or anything. Like they are sharing me or something.” I said. “How do you feel about both of them?” Ava asked. “Well, deep down I feel okay about liking the both of them at the same time. But in reality, it seems weird. I think it’s just best if I keep my distance from them. I think it’s the safest option for me right now.” I explained. I really did like the guys, but I wanted to go back to Seattle more than I wanted to sleep with a couple of really cute boys.